To say that my gap year has been weird would be the understatement of the century. For the most part, I have absolutely nothing on my plate other than working out and making dinner. In all honesty, it feels fantastic…but I feel guilty for enjoying it so much. A toxic friend (that I have since cut out of my life) once told me that I was a waste of space because I literally offer nothing to society since I am not in school and do not work. If I said that this did not get to me, I’d be lying. I have always been a Type A go-getter, who is hellbent on doing it all. For the first time in my life, my only responsibility is to take care of myself.
My original plans for my gap year were to get a job and travel. However, the pandemic has put a wrench in both of those plans. Obviously, travel is definitely not advised at this time, but I was not expecting my plans for work to be impacted because of the coronavirus. I decided to apply for jobs after I was done with the LSAT. I’m not sure I can tell you how many applications I sent out. Unfortunately, I got seriously sick with something that wasn’t the coronavirus, but it did keep me in bed for nearly a month making back to back orders for Denny’s pancakes and hash browns on Postmates. I have absolutely no idea how I got sick, but the timing could not have been worse. Instead of following up on job applications or pushing for interviews, I was sleeping all day, seriously weak, and I considered it a good day if I could bring myself to eat one of the pancakes I ordered. By the time I was feeling better, it was nearly the end of October, and my parents and I agreed that I should abandon my job applications and crack down on my law school applications. It was the right decision, and I am happy to report that I sent in all of my law school applications by Thanksgiving! Because my parents and I wanted me to be able to spend extra time with them for the holidays, they suggested that I not find a job until the new year. As you can see, that puts my job timeline at six months max of work before I have to start prepping for law school. Who would hire me in an office for less than six months? Any training they invest in me would be a waste because I would not be staying with the company for long. After pointing this out to my parents, they told me that I do not have to get a job during my gap year. This is where my guilt comes in.
I never once expected that I would spend a full year of my life doing absolutely nothing. I understand that this is an exaggeration. I’m not doing nothing. I am waiting for my law school admissions decisions to roll in. In fact, I have already received two acceptances! However, part of me feels guilty for feeling like a money leech for my parents. We are most certainly not the Rockefellers, but we do well and I consider myself very grateful for the life they have been able to give me…which is why I feel a little guilty for not working toward anything in the mean time. However, my amazing mother pointed out to me that it wasn’t true. Since I was twelve, I have not had any time off. I have either had summer homework, spring break homework, finals to study for, a class to take, or a job to go to. I have never really stopped moving. This is the year that I am supposed to take to decompress, try new things, and just focus on taking care of myself. I’m not sure I really understood the value of what she said until now. It has been six months since I graduated college, and only now am I starting to realize how high strung I really was. My chest feels lighter. My brain doesn’t feel so tight. I have the time of my life just trying fun new foods at the market. I have never felt as caught up on sleep ever before in my life. I read books that I choose and were not assigned. I feel so rejuvenated. I now understand that my mom wanted me to fully recover from the intensity of college before throwing my all into law school. I think that I will be incredibly grateful that she encouraged me to just rest, and I think that my performance in law school will thank me. I no longer fear being burnt out.
During my gap year, I have hardly touched my laptop, aside from working on my law school applications. It feels good to not spend as much time with a screen right in front of me, but it is also why I haven’t been blogging much. During college, I spent practically all of my time on my computer. It was easy to take a twenty minute break from my readings to do a bit of blogging and then get back to work. I love blogging, and I always will. I promise to keep at it too! I just think that I need to reevaluate my commitment to this hobby for my gap year. Instead of holding to a rigid schedule (because I simply do not have one this year), I think I will just blog as I want to. I still have plenty of fashion looks set aside to share, and my next post will likely be about a book I finished this year. However, during my year of trying new things, I think I am going to try a new approach to the blog, which is simply to have no plan and blog with my whims! I think it will be fun!
xx
Emily
